Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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