My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize