Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
