today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
