worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
