Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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