I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
