"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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