I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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