I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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