What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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