mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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