I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
