Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
