I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
