Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
