It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
