please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
