Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize