Kiss
Puke
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
