did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
