if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
