well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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