apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize