I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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