So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
