I didn't shave. On purpose
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
