I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize