I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
