Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
