I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
