i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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