She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sext me about skeletons
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize