I just saw a hot homeless man
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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