im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize