I think scott just propositioned me for sex
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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