Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
