i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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