the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
