My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My ass is underappreciated
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
