I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
