even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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