you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
