Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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