I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Can you bring me the toilet please
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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