With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
