Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
