i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Farmville is her only friend.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize