Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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