At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
