You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
