i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
