Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
