so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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