make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
