i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
