Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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