You're so nebulous sometimes
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Girls should come with a carfax report
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Randomize
