Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dicks are not precious.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
