Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
