Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
