I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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