i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
