Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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